My hair reeks of homosexuality.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
