i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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