You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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