I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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