Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
