Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
