I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
