Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize