is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
