but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
