So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
