Buhtt sex?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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