never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
