Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
