I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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