I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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