I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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