Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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