Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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