You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
