man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
