forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
