Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize