she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
