Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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