My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
