So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
