You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
