fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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