I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
