We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
