It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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