Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
