when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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