He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
