He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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