just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
