He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i have two assholes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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