I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
