Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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