you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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