Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
