Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
