butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize