So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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