pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
