I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I just sharted jello shots
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize