i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
