Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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