That's when you crack a 10am beer
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
