My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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