In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
