i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
