Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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