I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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