you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
