Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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