A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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