During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i have two assholes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
