Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
