every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
