she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
