i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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