This is not my ceiling
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
