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I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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