my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
