Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
