I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize