Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
