my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
