Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
