i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
