And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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