five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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