i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
