i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
